10/24/14

Passive Aggression....*sigh*

Photo Credit: Jhune Li
Dear Pussycats,

Growing up as a millennial, I’ve always had the crutch of the Internet to ease the pain and frustrations I’ve had about the world. Why speak to someone directly and have actual conflict when you can write anonymously, “You’re a cuntblossom and everyone hates you” on Tumblr or Formspring (if anyone even remembers that.)

Why practice conflict-resolution, which involves rationally speaking your honest feelings and then listening to someone speak theirs to find a happy middle ground, when you can just write a Facebook status indirectly talking about them? Not only so they can see it, but also so all of your 24902950 Facebook friends will see it too.

I’m going to be honest here, I used to be the QUEEN of that. I was a passive aggressive princess. I was the Michael Jordan of indirect confrontation - running around slam-dunking insults and projecting my insecurities, but hiding at the first glimpse of confrontation.

I’ve lost serious friendships due to the fact that I was too scared to just own up to my feelings and I instead chose the passive aggressive or even worse, anonymous route, and I’m so embarrassed of that to this day.

There is a reason why I really don’t enjoy reminiscing about high school, and frankly why I’m not particularly close to many of my former high school friends.

Remember that episode of 30 Rock where Liz Lemon is thinking about high school and painted herself out to be a total victim, but in reality she was the bully. That was me. I completely thought of myself as this loner who “no one understood,” but in actuality I was a passive aggressive jerk who had so many feelings and didn’t have the proper communication skills to explain them, therefore I lashed out at people who didn’t “get it”.

High school is hard, because you just feel the feels so hard, and you constantly have emotions bubbling up inside of you, like a science fair papier-mâché volcano that sits dormant in a classroom until someone pours baking soda solution inside. Our generation has been completely enabled by the Internet, because it has allowed us to erupt red frothy verbal magma everywhere without ever having to actually clean it up.

This worked hand in hand with discovering feminism for me. When I learned about feminism, I immediately became a feminist kill-joy, who wanted to tell people how problematic they were without actually doing it directly. This was partly because I was so jazzed on feminism, but also because it gave me a platform to be a raging bitch because I was realizing how fucked up our society really is, and I wanted to tell people about it.

I had a friend who wore bindi’s who wasn’t Desi, I found this offensive because the internet told me it was offensive. Instead of asking my friend about it in a rational manner, I wrote anonymously in her tumblr many times. This was because I was scared about the consequences of her knowing that I thought she was being problematic (and racist) and potentially ruining our friendship, but I still wanted her to know her behavior was not okay.

In actuality my behavior was not okay. It was passive aggressive and immature and I really should’ve just talked to her directly and nipped it in the bud. She later called me out on my shit, and I lost a friend that day. I don’t for a second feel sorry for myself, and in a weird way I’m glad she did that. From that day forward I decided I was no longer going to be passive aggressive and I created a foolproof anti-passive aggressive flowchart that I reference in all situations of my life.


Ever since I created this, it has worked 110% of the time. There are always going to be natural irritants in your life that inevitable occur, but the main thing is that you need to decide is if it is worth it. Is it worth discussing and potentially getting into some sort of altercation when rational conflict-resolution falls to the wayside? Is it worth potentially losing friends? Is the person even going to bother to see your side at all and will it just become a pointless argument? You need to pick your battles, and if you don’t think discussing this would be productive than you seriously need to get over it.

I see people post passive aggressive statuses on Facebook ALL THE TIME, and frankly I find it pathetic. And no, this isn’t a passive aggressive jab at people who are passive aggressive, I just think that we as a society, especially us millennials, need to start being more direct with people and talking to each other instead of hiding behind our computers.

 I can say this because back in the day I would literally write passive aggressive statuses about other people and then if they confronted me about it, I would sometimes lie and say, “I was talking about somebody else!” CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT!?! How stupid could I be! I’ll do a post later about my tips for successful conflict resolution, but until then reference my flowchart if you need help.

I also want to reiterate that I’m by no means perfect. I haven’t completely voided myself of all passive aggressive inclinations and desires, but the main thing is that I am now making an effort to try. That’s literally all we can do as humans.

What we’ve learned from this story?
1)   Don’t post passive aggressive Facebook statuses
2)   Rational conflict-resolution is key
3)   Own up to your feelings and be heard directly
4)   DON’T POST PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE FACEBOOK STATUSES 

Are you guilty of being passive aggressive on social media?
Were you a Liz Lemon in High School

keep it sassy,
xoxox
Sasssquatch aka Caelan

10/23/14

Male Entitlement and a Cup of Coffee.

Photocredit: @Hannahdrinkscoffee
Dear Pussycats,
This is a story that takes place back home in Honolulu. 
I was briefly seeing this boy who was cute and perfect for me in theory (he wore glasses and took photos…I didn’t have a lot of non-negotiables back then) and I was vaguely smitten. I mean, I liked the idea of him, but I wasn’t sure if I actually liked him. My feelings for him were sort of like my feelings for the actress Anne Hathaway, she’s been in great movies, she even cross-dressed in Jenny Lewis’s “One of the Boys” music videos, but for the life of me I just don’t like her. Or like my feelings for chiptole, I should love it, but idk, I just don’t think it’s worth the hype...I digress.

Anyway this boy was fine or whatever, but he kept doing little things that irked me. First of all, he was 23 or something, and still told that’s-what-she-said jokes. I’m sorry, but unless you’re the ignorant slut Michael Scott, that shit aint cute. He would also get visibly upset when I did little things wrong like leave my computer charger in several knots or leave my camera on automatic focus, it was so arbitrary but he would have to comment on it.

Weirdness began to elevate when I found out he was telling people about our sex-life, which in my opinion wasn’t even tumblr worthy due to the fact that it was always in a car (what are we, 16-year-olds in a John Hughes film?) but I mean, regardless of the fact that in the words of Lil John, I’m “a lady on the streets but a freak in the sheets,” he should keep that shit to himself (again, are we in a John Hughes film, did he steal my granny panties and dramatically present them in the boys locker room drumroll and all?). 

 At this point I was getting frustrated and I was 102% over it, however I thought I’d give him one last shot. I drove to his house on the opposite side of the island and picked him up to take photos. Every time he’d touch me my skin would crawl and my mind was flooded with memories of every time he nit-picked me for something stupid and how horrible that made me feel about myself, and at that moment I definitely knew I was NOT feeling it. Regardless, I shook it off put a smile on my face and agreed to let him to take photos of me, (not n00ds) when we wrapped up I knew for sure that I was done.

As I pulled up to his house around 3PM, he looked at me and said “hey, wanna *wink wink* my parents left the house?” I laughed in his face, there wasn’t ANY way I’d be having an afternoon-delight with him with the off chance that his parents could walk in, not to mention I really wasn’t feeling him anyway. 

So I turned to him and said, “yeah, no I’m good” to which he responded, “but Caelan, I took your pictures,” I then replied, “I drove to the opposite of the island!” I will never forget this smug mother-effer's reply for the rest of my life, he said, “but Caelan, I bought you coffee”………. yes, let that sink in, he was actually implying that because he bought me coffee, he was entitled to have sex with me.

I’m sorry but let’s be real, if I was a prostitute I would be one of those cool high-class prostitutes that they make Lifetime Original movies about (no shame on sex-workers tho), not one who get’s paid in $2 cups of coffee (despite how desperate I’ve gotten around finals week). Also how disgusting is it that he not only did he not respect the fact that I said “no” the first time, but tried to plead and barter with me and ultimately try to manipulate the situation in favor of his peen.

I laughed even harder in his face and said “I’m SO sorry, would you like your $2 back?” and demanded he leave my car.

He later apologized saying blah blah blah he’s sorry and he “understands if I don’t want anything to do with him.” Point blank, his behavior was crazy manipulative and uncool. I was just like “yeah dude, I need some space” and never really talked to him again.

Do I feel bad for posting this on the Internet with the off-chance that he might see it? A little, because I’m still a human. However his behavior was NOT okay and it makes me laugh thinking about just how entitled he was. I’m not perfect in any relationship, I’m loud, sometimes immature, and I can be very heartless sometimes, however one of my ultimate deal-breakers is lack of respect and consent. In the words of Chili, T-Boz and Lisa "Left Eye" Lopez, I DON'T WANT NO SCRUBS, okay?

So what have we learned from this story:
  1.  If you’re older than 18 make sure either you or your partner has their own place, because sneaking around and having sex in a car is not cute and leads to really awkward sex that can’t never be undone.
  2. Don’t date people who don’t make you feel like a brownie in the microwave. I dated this guy for about a month and the whole time I felt awkward around him and he made me feel stupid and he wasn’t funny and I stayed around all because I was hoping it would get better. Trust me, it will not get better.
  3.  Consent is everything. No one is entitled to sex for any reason, especially not for a $2 cup of coffee.
  4. Don’t date anyone who still does “that’s-what-she-said” jokes
I hope you enjoyed this little anecdote. 
Has anyone every attempted to negotiate sex with you after buying you a $2 cup of coffee? Because I sincerely hope not.

Keep It Sassy,
xoxox
Sasssquatch aka Caelan

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10/22/14

Queen Realness: TAVI GEVINSON AND JANET MOCK

Dear Pussycats,

There are literally no words I can use to describe the night I just had. Growing up as a young girl I constantly fixated on powerful women, also known as my queens. I would take inspiration from women from all elements of my life and look to them in times when I needed help, when I found myself procrastinating too much, or didn't know what to wear, or when I just felt like crying for no reason. My list of queens is long, varied and has only grown over the years, but this lovely evening I managed to meet two of my queens in one night and no, I'm not dreaming.

Janet mock and Tavi Gevinsson had a chat at Housing Works Books in New York City to promote Rookie Yearbook 3 and Redefining Realness. While they chatted I  wanted to live-studio-audience "WOOOOOOO" the whole time. They talked about being a young woman and feeling like they didn't belong, they talked about how we as women we feel we need to have a false sense of self-deprivation and lack of confidence to be seen as like able (Damnit, One Direction, we can know we are beautiful and that will still make us beautiful) and they talked about how the creative process isn't easy for them, despite how flawless they seem to do it. Watching these two having this dialogue truly felt like they got their cliff notes from my diary, and I couldn't help but want to laugh and ugly-cry all at the same time.

But their delightful dialogue wasn't even the best part. When they opened it up to the floor for questions I was the first to raise my hand, I aimed the question for Janet and explained that I was from Hawaii just moving to New York as well, when Tavi interjected and said, "I remember you, you're Sasssquatch, I've read your blog" and I just about went into shock. TAVI REMEMBERED ME AFTER ALL THESE YEARS!  

Believe it or not but Tavi and I were  tumblr friends back in the day and she has left a few comments on this very blog itself (this was when she was still The Style Rookie and I was only known as Sasssquatch). Preparing myself for this event I was thinking about asking her at the signing if she remembered me, but expecting of course for her to say no. But for her to not only just remember me but remember my username made me want to do one of those awesome run-up-a-wall back flips.

I was in a daze with figurative little computer mouses floating around my head looney-tunes style, but I managed to spit out my question after a little rambling, I asked Janet if she had any tips for me and Tavi about moving to New York. I was also able to mention that I graduated from UH manoa just like her and that me, her and Bette Middler were the coolest women to graduate from there. She gave me quality advice about renters insurance and how she had the crash pad of Grad school when she first moved here, but that she also worked retail for a bit too and it was awful. The main thing she stressed to me was to write every day and I will be taking that advice totally to heart. I thanked then for there time and gave them the chocolate covered Macnuts I brought them, sure it was a little derby to whip those out in front of so many people but I wanted to bring Janet a piece of home and a delicious one at that.


After all the spectacular questions they signed books and not only did they both offer to take pictures with me but they both were kind enough to have a mini conversation with me. I was able to tell Janet that she gave me inspiration as a girl from hawaii to get out here and make my dreams come true and she was kind enough to even sign my book "to caelan my local girl writer" and Tavi told me I had a rememberable face and I was able to tell her that she was the reason why I was able to get through high school maintaining my sense of self and fashion despite the haters and she seemed to appreciate that and think it was funny and signed it "For Caelan Sasssquatch" with the right amount of "s's" and everything.

These two women have been my queens for such a long time now and to have them take the time to talk to me and be so kind melts my heart like a damn push pop in July.

These two ladies made me feel like when you're a kid and your mom poured warm sheets on top of you right out of the dryer!  I couldn't thank them more for being such wonderful people.

 It's so crazy how this talk happened right after I decided to write more and on this blog again, it couldn't have come at a better time. Sometimes you have those moments where you just want to lie in bed and give up on everything but they reminded me that I'm going to be okay, feeling that way is okay and as long as I have passion for something I just need to take to do it and that all that matters.

I feel like I need to cry and call my mom just to properly express the overwhelming joy that I'm currently feeling. However typing this up on my ipad while taking the Rtrain all the way back home should suffice. This night was everything, and being able to spend it with my two queens and my dear friend Rachael means more to me than the dunkin donuts on my block. In our fangirl freak out afterwards Rachael and I found that we both felt equally touched and overjoyed, and the look on her face as we were leaving meant the world to me, these women matter and they make a difference and they are the definition of my queens.

Mahalo again Janet and Tavi
Tonight was the best night ever
Keep it sassy,
Sasssquatch aka Caelan

Let's Get Real.

Dear Pussycats,

I’ve decided it is time to be real with y’all. For all the years that I’ve had this blog I feel that, to a certain extant, I’ve tried to paint my life as something that isn’t, donning beautifully overpriced clothes that leave you to think, “How can Caelan even afford that” to briefly bringing up boyfriends and lovers only to never mention them again, resulting in even more confusion, I haven't been totally honest with you.

I’ve come to a point where I’m just sick of it, I’m sick of the mirage, I’m sick of the pressure I felt to be perfect and have my life seem a certain way, and I’m ready to do something new. I don’t want to have just a fashion blog anymore, to be frank I’m kind of tired of fashion and not really interested in it. While that may come across as a shock to you and have you wondering if I’ve traded in my designer threads for pajama jeans, I will tell you right now that that is NOT the case (despite my affinity for As-Seen-On-Tv products).

However, I am tired of the fashion industry. Re-entering the retail world has completely reminded me of why I left it in the first place. I hate the industry. I think that it is very flawed and frankly, I don’t have the money to be buying anything new anymore anyway.

Moving to New York I’ve been completely shocked to learn that people here are a lot more superficial than I imagined. And I don’t mean to come across with a “she wears short-skirts I wear t-shirts” hair-flip-emoji type attitude, but I will say that I’ve been really rejecting the notion that your money and clothing are direct representations of what kind of person you are, because they aren’t. 
What you chose to watch on Netflix is a direct representation of what kind of person you are. Who your favorite member of One Direction is, is a direct representation of who you are (Nial fans I’m talking to you, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!) And what type of schmear you put on your bagel is a direct representation of who you are, not what you wear. This is why I’d rather use this platform and audience to write about my feelings as a millennial and a young womany-girl type person.


As Britney Spears once explained, I’m not a girl, not yet a woman and right now I’ve been given a time – a moment that is mine, to share everything I’ve been going through while living on my own in New York City for the first time with y’all, subjects will include: love, sex, living on my own, internships, and anything I effing feel like. I hope you appreciate it and let me know if you have any things you'd like me to talk about.  

Sincerely,
Sasssquatch aka Caelan

10/6/14

Red Hot Summer (Plus Video)


Bonjour Pussycats,
Same story, different day. I've been BUSY. But I've been collecting photos and gathering inspiration all over the place, and now that my internship has ended and I had currently a my mini vacation, I finally have time to catch you up on things! 

I mean, that's sorta it, I'm still working full time and I will begin an internship with BULLETT Media next, which I'm very excited for, but I can't help but still have major Jesse Spano feels when it comes to the litany of all the shit I have to do. 

As much as I want to dedicate time and effort to this blog you guys probably realize just how much of a busy bee I am and just how much of a commitment this is. However, on my days off (they are rare but they do exists, like unicorns!) I will make time to hang out with my dear bae Jacqueline and put on cute outfits and take photos and it is just gucci all over. SO I WILL FINALLY STOP TALKING.



Outfit Details: Top: American Apparel / Skirt: Topshop / Backpack: Vintage Feragamo / Boots: Topshop 


These photos are a bit old hense the red hair (RIP) and the summer clothes, but don't worry, new looks are on there way!

keep it sassy,
xoxox
Sasssquatch

Also PS I made a vlog!

8/25/14

MEET JACQUELINE!

So I've talked about my dear friend Jacqueline A LOT since I've moved here because she is kind of the light of my life. 
Not only does she help me by being my emotional support and family while I've made this scary move all by myself but this bish helped me carry at mattress down two flights of stairs and up three and for that I'm eternally grateful. She's written quite a few different articles for my blog but I'm proud to announce to you today that Jacqueline will now be a REGULAR CONTRIBUTOR.

That's right, because I'm not the only Sass in NYC! So without further ado here are some getting to know you Q's for Jacqueline to A, because you will be seeing A LOT of her. 


1) You're an actress, a music aficionado and an ice cream scoop master? What are a few of your other favorite things?
I love reading! Since I graduated in May and I have a lot of time spent at home that's not being taken up by homework, I've been absolutely devouring books and I'm so pleased. I love photography, which I don't really do a lot of anymore, but is always going to be a huge passion of mine. Mostly film photography, but there's nothing wrong with digital! I like to bake and cook! I'm poor so I can't always make the most extravagant meals, but I make a mean chocolate chip cookie, let me tell you! But you're probably most likely to find me watching movies, tv shows, or (when I have the means) live theatre, and gushing about it for hours on end because I am so passionate about acting, it's a little overwhelming.

2) Ideal ice cream scoop (flavor, cone etc)?
Tough question. I'm going to combine to things from totally different places, but I would have to say the rainbow sprinkle waffle cone from Williamsburg Creamery with two scoops of cotton candy ice cream from Dave's Ice Cream in Hawaii...those chocolate chips, man. That's where they get you!


3) best record you've ever purchased?
These are the hardest questions I have ever had to answer in my life!!! I would probably have to say Give Em Enough Rope by The Clash. It was the first album I ever bought for myself after I got a record player in the ninth grade and it really helped me fall in love with The Clash (aka my favorite band, aka don't even get me started) and begin what I consider to be my true musical education. 

4) Best concert you've ever attended

Two Door Cinema Club! Both times, I had more fun than any other show. Fun fact: seeing them was my first adult concert! They put on the most amazing show I have ever experienced and I can't wait for them to go on tour again, because they are my favorite people ever. Plus, there's really something amazing about going to a show where all of the songs are upbeat and dancy because you're constantly moving around and flailing and screaming and it's the best. Miniature Tigers and probably Motion City Soundtrack would be my runners up. So many good shows!

5) Style inspirations?

I wouldn't say there are specific people that inspire my fashion but there are certain looks that do. Attractive male English professors in button downs, sweaters, and patterned pants. Female superheros: they're always showing a lot of leg and have beautiful hair. Outfits worn on Full House because florals and babydoll dresses and silly socks. 1970's punk girls in lots of black and cool shoes. Effortless tomboyish girls in beanies and bro tank tops. The list goes on and on. I just really like to wear what makes me feel bad ass, more often than cute. But also sometimes really cute.

Outfit Details: Romper: Urban Outfitters / Shoes: Vintage

6) Favorite quintessentially New York thing to do?

Coney Island! The Museum of Natural History! The Alice in Wonderland statue in Central Park! Those are my favorite things to do! Coney Island is the best (cough cough, we haven't gone together yet, Caelan, cough cough) and there's cotton candy and rides and the ocean and I have a lot of fond memories there. Oh, and there's an aquarium. The Museum of Natural History is fantastic because I love learning and museums and there's a huuuuge planetarium! And the Alice in Wonderland statue is my favorite part of Central Park and it has been ever since I was a little one!

7) Who are your Queens? 

Kristen Stewart!!! She's my main queen. She's perfect in every way and I get very sad when people are mean about her. I wish to become her someday. I love Ellen Page and Janelle Monae, aka pretty girls who can rock suits! I love Tilda Swinton, Jena Malone, Merill Garbus from tUnE-yArDs. Samira Wiley is a big one, too. Oh man, the list goes on and on. Oh, and I can't forget my most major life style and feminism inspirations: Chimamanda Ngozie Adichie! If any of you guys haven't heard her TED Talk, get on that. Now! (But mostly just Kristen Stewart...swoooooooooooooon)

8) What can we expect from you on Dailysass.com 

Tons! Cute pictures of my face, obviously! No, but for serious, you can expect lots of articles about music, movies, probably tv shows and other pop culture things that I'm into. You can expect videos! Videos of me and Caelan, talking about our lives and just generally being awesome. Hopefully some poignant articles about feminism and LGBTQ issues and other things that I like to educate people about. I don't know! It'll be great, though and I look forward to it!



YAY okay get ready for some amazing shit coming your way, including videos and other sort of amazing stuff!!

Please Keep It Sassy
xoxo
Daily Sass Babes.

8/7/14

BUST: LET'S TALK MUSIC


In my series where I catch you up on all I've written during my internship at BUST magazine so far, I couldn't possible not talk about how many music-related articles I've written. As you may know, music isn't my main steeze.

Of course I like music, but to be real, my music taste lies somewhere between Britney Spears' phases of being "not a girl" and "not yet a woman," you feel? Also I was always insecure about writing about music because I feared I didn't have the vocabulary to properly describe the audible deliciousness that is, my jams.

HOWEVER, I'm rather proud of just how many articles about music I've written and how much my music writing (I think) has improved.

Without further ado,
DA JAMS.

Alanis Morisette looking 40 and Fly in New Music Video. 
(fyi not my original title) This article was my first jab at a music related post, and I'm quite proud of it! Alanis, as mentioned in my last post, is one of my MAJOR queens. So given any opportunity to write about her, or her new limited edition vinyl, I will so totally take. While I'm slightly dissapointed that I never got a retweet or a tweetback, I just gonna assume that since Alanis is a mom and she must be too busy for me...I guess... *crying internally* click here

12 Female Celebrities and Their Music Careers That You Forgot About
While I'm not one for click-bait bullshit "journalistic" articles, this one is seriously one of my favorite pieces I've compiled. Enjoy

Alexz Johnson at Webster Hall BFF's for Life. 
As many long time DailySass readers know, I've been obsessed with Canadian Musician, Alexz Johnson, for a looooooong time now. And one of the best nights I've had in NYC so far was the night I saw her in concert. I wrote about it for BUST and she retweeted it and said she throughly enjoyed it, MY LIFE IS COMPLETE, GUYS! Click here

Taylor Momsen and the Pretty Reckless make Oasis Sound Pretty Good. 
Here is a lil post about Taylor Momsen's band, The Pretty Reckless, and their super good cover of Oasis' "Champagne Supernova" which didn't suck at all! Click here

Jenny Lewis, Anne Hathaway, Kristen Stewart and Brie Larson Prove They Are Just One of the Guys. 
This article actually needs no introduction. just click this link if you don't recognize these images and your life will be changed forever.

RIP Amy Winehouse, We'll Always Miss You.
This one was particularly difficult to write. I wrote about Amy Winehouses' passing on her three year anniversary and it was a very emotional day for me. Amy Winehouse has been one of my musical and style icons since I first heard her, and her death really upset me, and still upsets me to this day. Click here.

Girl Groups are BACK, Bringing Girl Power to 2014.
This article is all about the new faces of girl-group pop and the revival of the girl-group. FUCK YEAH GIRL POWER! Click here

Pe'ahi By The Raveonettes, Ominous Surf Rock, Yes Please.
This is my first album review, and I learned that it isn't as difficult to do as I thought! Plus I learned I have a new band that I will totally enjoy listening to when I go to the beach during bad weather! Click here

Jenny Lewis Will Take You on a Musical Voyage. 
My second major album review and it was another one of my queens!?! Could I even ask for more! I absolutely adore this new album and Jenny Lewis, I give this two big fat THUMBS UP. Click here

Hilary Duff Has a New Song and This is What Dreams Are Made Of,
The title actually says it all, enjoy!


Well that is A LOT of writing about music. Let me know which article was your favorite! Also feel free to leave some musical suggestions that you think I would ADORE!

Have a great day,
Please keep it sassy,
xoxo
Sasssquatch