12/16/14

Christmas Music!

Dear Pussycats,
If you've been reading my blog for a long time, you'd know I don't really eff with Christmas music. This is in part to: 1) Working retail 3 christmas' in a row and being forced to listen to Christmas music on loop, 2) I don't like music that tells me how to feel, 3) My darling Christmas-Angel sister Hayley blasting Christmas music the day after Halloween since 99'.

HOWEVER, even I'm not a total Ebenezer Grinch and there is a small list of Christmas songs that I totally get down to.

1) Vince Guaraldi Trio - Christmas Time is Here 

This song with or without vocals is just pure goodness and pure christmas joy. Whether it's my unadulterated love with The Peanuts, or the fact that the instrumental version of this song was used for sad George Michael Bluth when he would walk away with his head sullen, this song is my FAVORITE around this time of year.

2) Dolly Parton - Hard Candy Christmas

I wrote an ENTIRE post on my blog about this song 2 years ago on my blog click here I like this song because it feels the Christmas-time sad feels that do exist.

3) Destiny's Child - 8 Days of Christmas

Because if Chloe shades, a diamond belly ring and a Destiny's Child reunion aren't on the top of your wishlist, I actually don't know what is. Even though this is more of a typical pop christmas song, anything is better with Beyonce, it's just fact. Also I'd gladly take Michelle Williams rock-hard abs for christmas too Santa, thank you!

4) Justin Bieber - Mistletoe

Oh I know, you hate me right now. But before Zayn Malik stole my heart with one loose strand of hair, I was a belieber. This song is so cute, randomly kinda rastafari sounding and it reminds me of my Freshman year of College and singing this with my dormmates wasted and it just being a stupid good time. This might've been my favorite Bieber because now former Beliebers and I are just looking at him very dissapointed. ALSO WHY HASN'T ONE DIRECTION COME OUT WITH A CHRISTMAS ALBUM YET!!! UGH!

5) Fall Out Boy - Yule Shoot Your Eye Out 

This is literally my FAVORITE Christmas song of all time at this point. I had a huge Fall Out Boy phase back in the day and I still love them so much to the day. I just love that this isn't just a sad Christmas song, but like an actively angry one. I had a really sad Christmas a few years back and this song really helped me get through it and I will always be thankful for Patrick Stump and his darling bandmates for creating this song. I love how witty the title is, I love how easy this song is to harmonize with, just yes yes all over with this song YES.

Well that's about the only songs I can handle other than some smooth jazz christmas. So enjoy! Also enjoy this video of the One Directions boys dancing really awkwardly to Michael Buble's "White Christmas"



Have a great day and wish me luck studying all day...ugh
Keep it sassy,
xoxox
Sasssquatch aka Caelan

Also check out Jess and Sophie's playlists

12/15/14

7 Reasons why Being Single Around the Holidays is AWESOME

Photo by the INCREDIBLE Amanda Adam
Dear Pussycats,
For our spectacular 12-days-of-christmas extravaganza, we decided today was a free-day, and since I've been so interested in love and romance lately (and there are only about 149019301930 romantic-comedies based around the holiday season), I thought I'd write about love around the holidays (or lack there of)!

Moving to a cold city for the first time I was completely unaware of the fact that it is apparently "cuffing season," (or at least that's what the kids are calling it). "Cuffing season"  is the cold time of the year when everyone starts looking for a bae to cuddle with (or get tied down to, aka handCUFFED), because if you're like me, your pre-war building's heaters turn on sporadically based on the mood of your landlord.

That being said, being my first christmas season to "cuff" (not sure if I'm using that correctly), I've been thinking a lot about what it means to be single around the holidays.

Pretty much every christmas I've been single (actually every christmas) and since I feel like it's in the same regard as Valentines Day for making single people feel like absolute crap on the holidays, I thought I'd make you a list of 7 reasons why being single around the holidays is actually the best thing ever.

1) You Can Eat Whatever You Want: Now I'm a firm believer that you should be doing that in a relationship regardless, but I know some self-conscious bbs who feel awkward eating around their baes, or they'd be embarrassed if their boo knew that they could put away half of a honey-glazed ham all by themselves (you should never be embarrassed by ham consumption...ever). SO when you're single you get to devour  all the cookies, potluck-style holiday-party mac n cheese, roasted animals and whatever else your heart desires because GUESS WHAT, it's the end of the year, you will start fresh at 2015 (only if you want) and EVERYONE looks cute and thin when bundled up like the Michelin Man in their down-coats.

2) You Can Focus on Who Matters - Family: I mean, at the end of the day I think you will be happier focusing on those who have been there through all of your relationships and those people are your family. And by family I don't necessarily mean those who you share genes or jeans with. I mean the network of people who are on YOUR team. And when I say "your team" I don't mean, "as opposed to another persons team," I just mean, the people who are rooting for you (just like Tyra roots for you). This tribe of people who love you and support you no matter what are EVERYTHING, so make sure to spend time with them and express that you care!

3) Less Christmas Presents to Buy: I don't know about y'all, but I always found that buying presents for a significant other is one of the most difficult things to do ever. Since I'm closer to the hetero-side of the Kinsy scale, I'm usually buying presents for people of the male variety - and omg, I don't know what they want! Sports things? Video game things? One Direction's entire discography (oh wait that's for me hehe). I'm sure girl's aren't any easier to shop for

4) Excellent Transitional Time to the New Year and Spring: You don't have to worry about any potential breakups ruining your new year and your new you (and yes, I am one of those people who believe that stuff). You get to enjoy the yummy time and focus 100% on you, your dreams and what YOU want for the New Year, what's better than that!?

5) Clash of Traditions: You don't have to worry about whether their holiday traditions clash with yours. I have a friend who got in a fight with her bf on christmas day (the most magical day of the year) for that very reason, they had too many prior obligations and traditions that the two of them together couldn't do all on the same day!

6) You don't have to meet his family: I mean...do I even need to explain this

Lastly and most importantly...

7) You don't have to worry about embarrassing anyone but yourself when you get waisted at a holiday party. Cause who needs that, am I right?

So pussycats,
Drink up, party up, and cuff your damn self!
Keep it sassy,
xoxoxo
Sasssquatch aka Caelan

12/14/14

Christmas Wishlist!

Dear Pussycats,

I'm kind of the worst christmas-wish-list-maker ever. Can we talk about how cute and perfectly pinterest-y both Sophie and Jess's wishlists are on their blog? I feel like my blog is the sloppy, free-loading cousin that smells vaguely Doritos equivalent to their blogs - because it's not that I don't want things, I just havent thought about them till right now, and I'm no where near as organized as these babes.

HOWEVER. I can always think of things I need, although they might be vaguely boring and potentially unoriginal.

1) A Fjallraven Backpack: But the important specification is that it has to be able to fit my 17-inch Macbook pro. My scrub-self doesn't have any bags that fit my computer except the bag I was given from work, and now that thing is BEAT UP. I would gladly take a Herschel supply black backpack as well.

2) Tenga Iroha Yuki Massager: So believe it or not pussycats, but I don't own, nor have I ever owned a vibrator. I know, I know it's weird, but to be honest they seem so intimidating and scary and there are so many options it's really overwhelming! But I stumbled upon this adorable brand that makes these really cute, really unassuming, really quiet vibrators and I just have to have one. Also check out their commercial, it's totally my aesthetic, the vibrators look like something out of a Miyazaki film!

3) Grey American Apparel Fisherman Sweater: I want this for the sole reason that it's the sweater featured in One Direction's "You and I" music video, and I would tell all my friends that my boo Zayn gave it to me.

4) Zayn Malik Broach: Speaking of my boy Zayn...I need this

5) Be My Baby Banner: I need stuff for my walls, seriously you guys my walls are vaguely depressing and I need all the posters and banners that I can find!

6) A Screen Print of Honolulu: I miss home more often than I'd like to admit, and I find this screen print to be just beautiful! Also again, I NEED WALL STUFF GUYS!

7) Male Tears Mug: Because who wouldn't want to drink a huge cup of Male Tears every morning!

Other things I'd gladly take: books, bralettes, magazine subscriptions, any sort of blouses, heat-tech anything, hugs, lipstick,  Zayn Malik, hand written letters, smooches, any member of my family to hang out with me and one cuddle with my cat Netflix!

What is on your christmas wish list?
let me know down below~
Have a very merry christmas
please keep it sassy,
xoxox
Sasssquatch aka Caelan

Christmas Memories

Morning Pussycats,
I'm writing to you guys via the backstock at my work,  so shout-out to my manager for being cool with me writing this and taking an hour off. Thank youuuuuuuuuuuu - anyway today we are talking about Christmas memories.

And I can't help but play One Direction's "Midnight Memories" in my head but change the words to "Christmas Memories" - and now I'm thinking of Zayn Malik - and now I'm thinking of Zayn Malik under the mistletoe - and now I'm super distracted...

ANYWAY.  Every year of my Norman Rockwell-esque childhood/young adulthood, I've had a pretty Norman Rockwell-esque christmas, other than the fact that almost every christmas was about 85 degrees, (um HELLO, Mele Kalikimaka!)

Every Christmas in the Hughes house-hold was filled with Santa's half-bitten cookies, hugs all around, and horrible pictures of us with no makeup on and holding our gifts to the camera like Rafiki holds Simba in the opening scene of The Lion King - all to the smooth song-stylings of Harry Connick Jr's many christmas albums (Does he sing any other music?)

And while each different yearly celebration filled my heart with joy and rotted my teeth with sugar, there was one year that stands out among the rest, and that year, my friends, is referred to infamously as "Teddy Bear Christmas."

Now, I know what you're thinking, "what the f-word is 'Teddy Bear Christmas?'" And to that, I shake my head chuckling at your ignorance, while simultaneously weeping for the experience you never had.

I'm gonna say it was the christmas of all Christmas's. I was about 6 or 7 and I believe it was our first christmas on Oahu. At the time I was OBSESSED with Boyds Bears - you know, those old-timey dressed bears that they sell at Halmark and on QVC?

Well my mother knew this, and knew how much I wanted a collection of these Depression-era looking teddy's to match my childhood favorite I named "Strawberry" (I know, it makes complete sense to name a white teddy bear in light pink velour overalls, "strawberry").

So as per usual Hughes family tradition, my sisters and I woke up at the crack of dawn (literally 5 AM) and ran into the living room for the presents that awaited us like four tiny whirling dervishes.

When we busted open the door, there was a sea of presents surrounding the typical Evergreen accessorized in our handmade popsicle ornaments that were "charming" at best - but next was the best surprise I could've ever asked for.

My amazing mom created a mini tree out of Teddy bears ALL FOR ME. I wish I had a photo of it to show you but you can use your imagination.

I swear, my mother hits the christmas-present-nail on the head EVER YEAR, and her sensitive, thoughtful and sweet denial of the notion that Santa isn't real attitude makes christmas what it is to the Hughes household - I mean hell, she still signs presents to us from Santa and even from our cat Netflix (when we all know that only thing that cat wants from me is for me to experience a slow painful death).

Other traditions include our annual christmas breakfast feast which consists of an egg and sausage casserole and coffee cake with lots of coffee and mimosas!

Then there is the infamous "Mulling Spice Dance" my dad does every year when he makes mulling spice and then runs around the living room dancing with the pot and putting it in all of our faces to smell it's delicious aroma.

But no matter what, one of my favorite traditions has to be the no-makeup/no-bra hugs my sisters and I share EVERY christmas after exchanging gifts with each other. If you know my sisters (and my dad too for that matter) they are just as creative and thoughtful as my mother when it comes to presents, and they set the bar RIDICULOUSLY high.

I could go on and on about our traditions and I'll probably tell you some more throughout these 12-days of christmas but there is one thing I want to briefly touch on.

This is my first christmas away from home, and of course I'm gonna be a bit heart-broken that I wont have a sister to no-bra hug or mulling spice to inhale. HOWEVER, as cornball/Love Actually as this sounds, I know that my family loves me so much, and presents and hugs in person are arbitrary when you think about how lucky I am to have sisters and family a phone-call away.

Plus this year I'm going to celebrate it with my NY sister Misha! And I'm gonna attempt to make the christmas breakfast myself, so wish me luck on that!

Be sure to stop by Jess and Sophie's blogs to read all about their adorable christmas traditions!
Have a great christmas
and please keep it sassy,
xoxox
Sasssquatch aka Caelan

12/13/14

12-ish Days of Christmas with WRITINGINREDLIPSTICK and NANAWINTOUR

DEAR PUSSYCATS,
I have a very exciting announcement! My two life-partners/blogging gurus Sophie aka Nana Wintour and Jess aka Writing In Red Lipstick are teaming up with me to do 12-days-of-Christmas.

Jess and I started this trend back in February with our 14-days-of-Valentines day and now we are bringing christmas magic and our darling friend Sophie into the mix!

We are all cute, fun and very excited about the holidays so you better stay tuned because we are the virtual advent calendar of your dreams!

Now y'all know I'm a bit of a mess and it's still finals crunch-time for me, so my posts may be all over the place, HOWEVER, I will do my best for me, my blogging babes and for you guys because I love you all so much!

Have a great day pussycats and stay tuned!
xoxox
Sasssquatch aka Caelan

11/23/14

Sex and the Awkward Girl: A Night with the Misogynist

Dear Pussycats,


So I thought since I'm young, single, having sex, and in the city of all cities, I would honor my Queen and create a new series for this blog about my dating and sexual mishaps called "Sex and the Awkward Girl" (a play off her well-known book Sex and the Single Girl).

Now, If you guys aren’t actively following me on tumblr or maybe even Instagram, you may have no clue about my obsession with Tinder.

If y'all are living under a rock or are one of those annoying millenials who always pretends they have no clue what is going on in pop-culture to seem posh or whatever, Tinder is a dating app. The way it works is you post up-to 6 photos of yourself and a tiny bio, and based off your geographical closeness others will swipe yay or nay depending on whether they think you are sexxii or not. 

The ratio of dreamy to sleazy on there is about 5 to 401943019401390 on there, but you gotta pay to play pussycats. I mean, despite my very careful selection process, I've been asked to have Nutella licked off of me by THREE DIFFERENT GUYS...yep. 

While many deem this as superficial or impersonal, a friend of mine compared it to Amazon recommendations, there’s no way you can guarantee that you will like what you purchased, but based off their recommendations you might. And this is what I want to talk to you guys about today. 

Sit back, make yourself a dry martini and enjoy my dating misfortunes, there are certainly more where this comes from.

A few weeks ago I saw this guy on tinder who looked pretty cute (lets be real, his dog was really cute in his main picture). So I met up with him for beer at a hole-in-the-wall bar in Soho. It was a pretty alright night. He seemed kinda bro-y but my beer goggles convinced me that he looked JUST like Adrian Grenier and that despite the fact that we mostly talked about him, his lacrosse team and all of the “famous” (D-list) celebrities that he worked with, my dummie brain thought, “hey! I should go on a second date with this guy.” 

To his credit he was a pretty good kisser, and you might be thinking "but Caelan, if he seemed douchey why did you kiss him?" This is a very valid question. A question which I could only respond to by raising my hands in the air and ask myself why I do a lot of the things that I do. Why do I spend 15 minutes straightening my hair to only put it in a bun 5 minutes later and ruin my hard earned work? Why do I still watch the show Nashville? Why did I just eat an entire tube of Barbeque pringles, two tall boys and some spam? I DON'T KNOW PEOPLE? I really don't know. 

ANYWAY, He also earned brownie points with me when I got sick and he was the only dude to send me really nice texts while I was basically dead, which is sort of redeeming. After shaking my sickness off, I decided we should get drinks and see what happens.

After waiting almost 30 minutes for him in Soho on a really cold and windy autumn night, he arrived without any expression on his face. He didn’t apologize for being late, he didn’t ask me how my day was – he had an air to him that made me feel like he was doing me a favor...which obviously did not sit well with me.

Then to ease the awkwardness I suggested we get drinks over dinner, but he insisted on not drinking, which isn't something I would want to make anyone feel bad about, but it certainly didn’t help alleviate the awkwardness of the evening. I drank my very large beers very fast and nodded as he continued to tell me more stories about himself, not listen to me when I was talking, talk over me, and interrupt me to talk more about himself. Beer goggles could not save me now. 

Half-way through the night he was suggesting another date and I honestly said to him, “you realize you know nothing about me, right?,” and he said, “yeah, you’re right” to which I replied, “do you wanna know why that is?” He nodded, and I said, “because you haven’t asked me a single question about myself all night.”

But that didn’t even shake him. In his opinion we were having a GREAT time. He told me HILARIOUS stories about the racist jokes he tells his teammates, how he doesn’t identify as a feminist because it didn't really matter to him, and how he refers to this girl who has had sex with him and several of his friends as the “homie hopper.” 

One of my favorite anecdotes of the night was the story about that one time he stood up a tinder date because she was larger than he gathered from her photos...believe me, I'm more embarrassed to have gone out on a second date with this dill-hole than Ashley Simpson was after her 2004 SNL performance (if only I could've awkwardly square danced out of the restaurant).

The icing on the cake of the night was when he confessed to cyber-bullying and trolling people on the internet for fun. WHO DOES THAT!!? I never understood what type of person enjoys making people feel bad for their own benefit, I think behavior like that is absolutely deplorable and pathetic.  

He was you’re a-typical entitled white cis jerkoff who didn’t even care to bother to listen to me or have a proper conversation (you know, where both people talk?). He boasted about how much money he had and tried to front like he was going to buy some Fendi shoes later. But when the bill came he got really awkward and basically told me that I owe him for next time...really bro?

I kept hoping for the night to get better while simultaneously making a mental check-list of all of his ungentlemen-y behavior. However, when he alluded to a next-time I kept saying, “yeah buddie I don’t know about that.” He texted me the next day making a joke and thanking me for last night (which was the first time I ever heard him have any manners) and I decided to be upfront with him.

Since my ex completely just stopped talking to me, I decided with this boy I would give him a legitimate send-off because no one likes to be ignored. I texted him, “Hey, I hate when people just stop talking to me or lead me on so I’m gonna be blunt right now, I think you’re pretty cool but I don’t think this is gonna go anywhere, I could never date anyone who isn’t a feminist or care about social justice issues as much as me. I’ll gladly still be your friend, but I’d rather not lead you on and have you think that this is going in that direction.”

Then he responded in the most charming way possible:
“Um Okay I guess
I don’t really know what to say
Well that’s your decision
But In my opinion you’re missing out on someone who is a great person
I’m not very happy about this.”

Just to be a jerk I was gonna write, “and that’s a decision I’m going to have to live with every day” but I don’t like to be unnecessarily cruel, so I ignored him.

Then I got a follow-up text the next day asking if he can take me out to lunch later this week to talk, to which I had to put my badbitch face on and say, “There’s nothing to talk about, we had two dates and I realized I’m not interested in dating you, sorry.”


Things we learned from this story:

  • Don’t drink too much beer on the first date
  • Don’t go out with entitled douchebags
  • You don’t always owe people an explanation, because you might just face-palm at their response especially if they are a self-proclaimed "great guy"
  • Avoid guys who openly don't care about feminism (it mean's they don't care about your rights or those of anyones but themselves)

Have you ever gone on a date like this?
Let me know and until then
please keep it sassy,
xoxox
Sasssquatch

11/21/14

Almost-Love.

"Love is Strong" by Patricia

*sigggggggghhhhh* Almost-love is the worst. When I say "almost-love," I'm talking about a sort of love (or a really sweet chocolate kisses-waiting by his locker-type crush) that almost happens - but falls apart very quickly and usually unexpectedly.  

You meet someone who you feel drawn to by a magnetic thread. You see them out of your peripheral vision - sweating - just waiting to think of something to talk you about. You avoid eye contact, speak at the same time awkwardly, and you're concerned that there has been lipstick on your teeth the entire time you've been speaking.

The text exchange is playful and dumb, you talk about everything and nothing, and you use the blushing emoji far too frequently. Your dates are cute and very smiley, and just like eating McNuggets after 4 McDonalds-free-months, you remember just how fucking AMAZING they are and how much you missed the joy of having a crush. 

Uh-oh, you've found that you've transformed into the human personification of a Hallmark valentine -- butterflies in your stomach, fireworks when you kiss...

but then... 

reality strikes.

Something happens - a miscommunication - another lover - distance - or simply no text back - and the One Direction vinyl that's been playing on repeat in your head screeches to an abruptly stop - all before you really even got to enjoy it.

“I am mastering my love for you and turning it inwards as a constituent element of myself” by Patricia


UGHHHH, You hadn't felt like that in such a long time! And instead of pursuing a relationship that would allow these feelings to germinate and bloom into something forreal -- someone or something just smushed your good feelings like a stampede of kindergartners in rainboots. 

You told a few of your coworkers and friends about it, because this time you felt it was different...it wasn't. And now you feel like the world's biggest asshat.

They ask you out of plain curiosity and boredom while pretending to space the racks, "what happened to dreamboat?" and you'd feel pathetic making up a lie, so you hang your head low and say something along the lines of, "he swerved me." 

They respond with something humiliating like, "I could've told you that." Or worse, they pity you, "oh Caelan, there are plenty of fish in the sea," to which you give them a Liz Lemon status eye-roll and casually explain to them that you're gonna die alone after slipping whilst getting out of the shower (my biggest fear). But since no one was there but the 15 cats you own, who can't dial 911, (or use chopsticks - they are literally useless), they begin to feed off your corpse when their Fancy Feast automatic-dispenser stops working.

You're coworkers look back at you befuddled and just say, "noooooo" very unconvincingly. You sigh.

You then become that friend that everyone hates, the one who is constantly trying to come up with justifications for why he hasn't texted you - maybe he's waiting for you to text him - maybe his phone was eaten by feral pink-eyed rabbits, or maybe he's so in love with you, he just doesn't know what to do with himself? And even though one part of your brain realizes that you've become that annoying friend - just like a meth addiction or an America's Next Top Model marathon on VH1 - you can't stop once you start.

You then begin to swirl down a drain of depression and humiliation finding yourself "UUUGHH"-ing out loud and flip-flopping between a myriad of emotions: general irritation, minor sadness, humiliation, and horniness (you just thought you'd be getting laid on the regular, and now you have to make an effort again, UGHHH).

You find that the worst part about almost-love is that you know you didn't even like them that much, but you liked them enough for it to still hurt. You never got to learn that you hate them, that he eats corn-pops (who da fuck eats those), that he has a million unpaid parking tickets or that he thinks The Big Bang Theory is funny (heaven forbid). 

Your only memories of him are a series of mental polaroid snapshots of him being dreamy, how he smelled nice, and how he said he read your blog (literally my favorite/least favorite thing to hear). And since you never got answers and you were vaguely humiliated about how embarrassingly excited you got, almost-love is kind-of the worst thing to try to get over.

Almost-love doesn't hurt enough to cry over - it doesn't hurt enough to leave angry texts, although apparently it does hurts enough to write an entire blogpost about this subject...oops...

The good news is that almost-love hurts mostly on a superficial level. You didn't really know him, you're mostly just bummed and embarrassed. But you need to know, your coworkers don't actually care about your life (like...at all) and your friends shouldn't be judging you, (if they are, they aren't cheetah sister-friends). 

In no time you'll see a cute guy at Starbucks and fall in love with the way we spelled your name wrong and how his green visor accentuates his hazel eyes. You'll begin a flirtation with him and you'll find yourself constantly hopped up on caffeine and love-mojo after all the "random" encounters you planned. 

You'll begin to think sort-of fondly of what-almost-was with your almost-love and it'll be a story for the blog and your little black book. 

Almost-love sucks because you almost got vulnerable and almost let someone into your deadbolt-locked-heart. But the great part of almost-love is that it reminds you that you are capable of having school-boy-crushes and feeling butterflies for people just when you were begining to doubt it (I certainly was). 

And hey, maybe next time your almost-love will just turn into love-love and you'll be happy you were single at that magical point in time. 

"He's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same" by Patricia


Have you ever had a case of almost-love?
Let me know!

Keep it sassy,
xoxox
Sasssquatch aka Caelan

P.S.  If you're currently going through this, here is a pro-tip: Cut the sad One Direction ballads that make you want to simultaneously cry and shove a cupcake in your face, and play Beyonce's 2006 album B-Day, trust me, you'll be glad you did. 

P.S.S. All photos were from this amazing photographer Patricia (not sure her last name) who I found on flickr, go check her out!