7/4/15

Dear Caelan, Advice for the in-love and confused

 Dear Pussycats,

While I am an expert at finishing an entire roll of oreos and not much else (let's be honest), It has come to my attention that you, my readers, are my sisters. And who gives better advice then sisters! So I thought it would be cute, if I introduce an advice series on my blog, where you ask me questions, and I ask someone else questions?

Since this of course is my first edition of this advice series, I'll pull from a question I got on tumblr a few moons ago.


Hey so, I think I'm falling in love with the guy that rejected my best friend and I don't know what to do. I think he likes me but even if he did my friend really liked him. If I were to ask him I worry it would ruin our friendship. He is kind of flirty. He called my cute, he jokes constantly about how we are the SAME person and how much we have in common. Ugh what does this mean???

Okay baby, I've taken a lot of time to think about this question, and I gotta be honest, you may or may not like my response. To be totally frank, this is one of those horrible situations where you are kinda fucked either way. This is the way I see it, either you make your friend sad, or you make yourself sad.

The "girl code" thing to do would be to just drop him like a pair of last-last-last season Galaxy-print, Jeffrey Campbell Lita's, because I really do think the platonic relationships we keep are some of the most important ones. HOWEVER, you can't live your life according to other peoples feelings always, sometimes it's important to be selfish and to pursue the things that would make you happy, even if it might hurt others.

I've truly been on both sides of this situation and it sucks either way. In an ideal world I would hope that your friend would understand that things with her and him weren't meant to be, and that she would be happy for you, but thats not always how people react. I also think while it might suck for your friend, she needs to learn that, especially when it comes to romance, people will do whatever they want to do, THE EMOJI HEART WANTS WHAT THE EMOJI HEART WANTS.

If I had a dollar every time I told a friend not to date someone, or a friend told me to not date someone and we ultimately ended up dating them, I would have a net-worth similar to a Kardashian.

It sucks because we think that in the reverse, we would want our friend to date the person, and we would be happy for them, but I of all people know that it's easier said than done. HOWEVER, I think learning to be happy for people, even if we aren't, is a really important skill to learn, that I still work on every day. When you are an insecure person, sometimes all you want is for people to be miserable just like you, but in hoping for other people's misery, we in-turn make ourselves more miserable.

SO, my advice to you A) find out if he actually does like you, B) make sure he isn't a total scrub and is actually worth potentially ruining you're friendship over and C) Make sure when you tell your friend what is up, you tell her very kindly and gingerly. It SUCKS being rejected by a boy, but if your friend is a good friend, she might be sad at first, but hopefully she'll get over it and be supportive of you and your new dreamy relationship. Honestly, if she isn't, she might not be the best friend in the first place, you feel me?

Also I don't know much about him, other than the fact that he tells you that you're cute (which I'm positive you are!!) and says you're the "same person," but I think he might like you! Try to spend time with him, see if he texts you or messages you first to talk, even if he doesn't have a reason to talk and lastly see if he angles his body towards you, if he makes a lot of direct eye contact and if he finds reason to touch you (not inappropriately obviously). Those are usually signs that they like you! (let me know if you want me to elaborate more on this subject).

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Switching gears just a little bit, I thought I'd ask my newly married sister Devon some love advice.


Dear Devon, what are your 5 tips to a successful marriage/relationship?












1)1) Communication is Key… Find out the best way to communicate with your love. Some people are texters, others might not be. Whether it is by carrier pigeon, or good old-fashioned telephone call, you must figure out what works best for you and your bae.
2)   Time apart is always important… Even if you have found your Mr. Right and you can’t possible imagine even spending one moment apart, it is important to take time for yourself. Plan time to spend alone mano e mano. Go for a walk; take yourself out and do something fancy and fun! Because you deserve it! In the famous words of Ru Paul, “If you don’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else? Can I get an amen up in here?”
3)   It is okay to say NO!... In relationships it is totally healthy to say no to things. You won’t always agree with your partner or everything, and that’s just fine. Although relationships are about compromise to some extent, there is no need to be a yes man (or woman), Saying no and sticking to your guns is okay! Don’t ever lose your sense of self because of the want to appease your significant other.
4)   It is okay to step outside of your comfort zone sometimes… If my husband has taught me anything in the last 5 years, it is that it’s okay to step outside of your comfort zone. Sometimes it’s important to try new things to push yourself to do something you never thought you would or could. You might just discover that you are really good at something you never thought you would be. It is healthy to let loose sometimes! That being said, it is also important to listen to that little voice.
5)   Have Fun!... The one thing that I can say makes me feel like the luckiest girl every day, is the fun I find in doing the dumbest things with my husband. Going to Costco or Target turns into the most fun with Rob. Love is all about enjoying the mundane everyday tasks or errands you do with your partner. At the end of the day, relationships are meant to be fun. Enjoy spending time doing nothing with your honey. If you aren’t having fun anymore, it might be good to take a step back and re-evaluate your relationship.

























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Quality advice from my amazing sister, and I hope my advice helped too!

If you have any questions for me, feel free to write a comment or leave an anonymous post on my tumblr here

and please please please check out my sisters instagram @themoderndamessociety

This is my first advice post and please let me know if you like it and want to see more!

xoxo
Caelan

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