There are literally no words I can use to describe the night I just had. Growing up as a young girl I constantly fixated on powerful women, also known as my queens. I would take inspiration from women from all elements of my life and look to them in times when I needed help, when I found myself procrastinating too much, or didn't know what to wear, or when I just felt like crying for no reason. My list of queens is long, varied and has only grown over the years, but this lovely evening I managed to meet two of my queens in one night and no, I'm not dreaming.
Janet mock and Tavi Gevinsson had a chat at Housing Works Books in New York City to promote Rookie Yearbook 3 and Redefining Realness. While they chatted I wanted to live-studio-audience "WOOOOOOO" the whole time. They talked about being a young woman and feeling like they didn't belong, they talked about how we as women we feel we need to have a false sense of self-deprivation and lack of confidence to be seen as like able (Damnit, One Direction, we can know we are beautiful and that will still make us beautiful) and they talked about how the creative process isn't easy for them, despite how flawless they seem to do it. Watching these two having this dialogue truly felt like they got their cliff notes from my diary, and I couldn't help but want to laugh and ugly-cry all at the same time.
But their delightful dialogue wasn't even the best part. When they opened it up to the floor for questions I was the first to raise my hand, I aimed the question for Janet and explained that I was from Hawaii just moving to New York as well, when Tavi interjected and said, "I remember you, you're Sasssquatch, I've read your blog" and I just about went into shock. TAVI REMEMBERED ME AFTER ALL THESE YEARS!
Believe it or not but Tavi and I were tumblr friends back in the day and she has left a few comments on this very blog itself (this was when she was still The Style Rookie and I was only known as Sasssquatch). Preparing myself for this event I was thinking about asking her at the signing if she remembered me, but expecting of course for her to say no. But for her to not only just remember me but remember my username made me want to do one of those awesome run-up-a-wall back flips.
I was in a daze with figurative little computer mouses floating around my head looney-tunes style, but I managed to spit out my question after a little rambling, I asked Janet if she had any tips for me and Tavi about moving to New York. I was also able to mention that I graduated from UH manoa just like her and that me, her and Bette Middler were the coolest women to graduate from there. She gave me quality advice about renters insurance and how she had the crash pad of Grad school when she first moved here, but that she also worked retail for a bit too and it was awful. The main thing she stressed to me was to write every day and I will be taking that advice totally to heart. I thanked then for there time and gave them the chocolate covered Macnuts I brought them, sure it was a little derby to whip those out in front of so many people but I wanted to bring Janet a piece of home and a delicious one at that.
After all the spectacular questions they signed books and not only did they both offer to take pictures with me but they both were kind enough to have a mini conversation with me. I was able to tell Janet that she gave me inspiration as a girl from hawaii to get out here and make my dreams come true and she was kind enough to even sign my book "to caelan my local girl writer" and Tavi told me I had a rememberable face and I was able to tell her that she was the reason why I was able to get through high school maintaining my sense of self and fashion despite the haters and she seemed to appreciate that and think it was funny and signed it "For Caelan Sasssquatch" with the right amount of "s's" and everything.
These two women have been my queens for such a long time now and to have them take the time to talk to me and be so kind melts my heart like a damn push pop in July.
These two ladies made me feel like when you're a kid and your mom poured warm sheets on top of you right out of the dryer! I couldn't thank them more for being such wonderful people.
It's so crazy how this talk happened right after I decided to write more and on this blog again, it couldn't have come at a better time. Sometimes you have those moments where you just want to lie in bed and give up on everything but they reminded me that I'm going to be okay, feeling that way is okay and as long as I have passion for something I just need to take to do it and that all that matters.
I feel like I need to cry and call my mom just to properly express the overwhelming joy that I'm currently feeling. However typing this up on my ipad while taking the Rtrain all the way back home should suffice. This night was everything, and being able to spend it with my two queens and my dear friend Rachael means more to me than the dunkin donuts on my block. In our fangirl freak out afterwards Rachael and I found that we both felt equally touched and overjoyed, and the look on her face as we were leaving meant the world to me, these women matter and they make a difference and they are the definition of my queens.
Mahalo again Janet and Tavi
Tonight was the best night ever
Keep it sassy,
Sasssquatch aka Caelan