10/31/14

Is it Corny to Title this Post "Reflections"?

Agnes Tait, Skating in Central Park (1934) / Vampire Weekend, Don’t Lie (2013)
Dear Pussycats,

I am completely shocked and a total heart-eye-emoji with the overwhelming amount of support I received for the last post I wrote. The kind words that each and every one of you shared with me totally wove together and wrapped around me like a fleece cheetah-print snuggie and I feel so touched and toasty! 

I gotta be honest though, I didn't really write that post with the idea that anyone was gonna read it. I wrote it to finally solidify the feelings I was having and put them in a tangible medium. Posting it makes me feel totally vulnerable, like if I was crying in public, but you guys are the kind bystanders that gave me a hug or offered me a tissue or a piece of pie, or whatever strangers do when someone is crying in public. I worry now that that post came across a bit too-woe-is-me, because I usually only have these type of freakouts to my sweet mom and sisters.

Your kindness and support really mean the world to me. I read every single post they really made me melt like a handful of skittles in a 6-year-olds hand. I can't thank each and every one of you enough. Yall reminded me why I'm doing what I'm doing and why I'm even here, but now I want to tell you how the rest of my evening went.

After spewing all of that internal gunk into my blog the other night, I shut my computer, hopped on the train and met up with my best friend Jacqueline. She greeted me with a hug and two free Dean and Deluca cookies, which were as good as they were over-priced. We hopped back on the train and got all the way to Bryant park because the Rockefeller ice skating rink just opened up and it was the perfect evening to go.

Jacqueline was prepared with her gorgeous professional-looking white ice-skates that were tied together by the laces and hung off her shoulder. I've always admired how gorgeous ice skates are, especially compared to the clunky obnoxious rentals I had to wear. But anyway, we got in, laced up and set for the ice.

Two Ladies Ice Skating in Central Park”,
Walter Granville Smith. (
via)
Jacqueline had many years of skating on me and was gliding around like a graceful girl Mighty Duck, while I was a bit more like bambi, or a senior citizen (knees bent, ass out, hands forward and moving at 1 mile an hour). I found that clinging to the side of the rink didn't work as well for me as holding Jacqueline's hand, trusting her and skating slowly and leisurely (for her anyway) together. We skated away from sides of the rink avoiding those clumsy tourists and local kids who are WAY too good to be in such a small rink and skate super fast around you,(like, is that really necessary, guys?)

After a total ass-plant on the ground whacking my tail bone and almost losing my beanie, I got up and kept skating with a very patient Jacqueline supporting me and harmonizing Kelly Clarkson songs with me. After a few more rounds I knew I needed to take a break so Jacqueline escorted me to the side of the rink and then she skated around at her regular super-fast pace and I yelled at her from the sidelines like a proud coach, "Keep Going! One More Round!" Watching Jacqueline and a bunch of strangers skate around the rink with the twinkly lights of New York City and Frank Sinatra playing softly as a breathtaking backdrop, I took a minute to remember where I am.

While I don't have my mom giving me hugs everyday, the beautiful Pacific Ocean float in or the sun to kiss my shoulders on my walks to class, I do have Jacqueline patiently holding my hand and singing with me while I look like an ass-hat on ice. I have Rockerfeller plaza, I have $1 pizza and I still have, as corny as this sounds, my dream (feel free to roll your eyes at me)!

After a few more rounds of skating, self-reflection, and trying to not fall on my ass again, we decided it was time for hot drinks and a walk-about Times Square. I had my first (and probably last) pumpkin spice latte of the season and we talked about everything and anything, while we were completely surrounded by the all-encompassing lights and hubbub.

Jacqueline looked to me and said, "Is it just me or do you find Times Square strangely calm, there are so many tourists around in such a hurry because they only have so much time and so many things to do, but we've got no where else to be." 

I completely agreed, when thinking about myself a year ago coming to New York for Teen Vogue Fashion University, I stayed in Times Square and was in New York for literally a New York minute. It's crazy how that was a brief look and what my life would be like in a year (but way my reality is wayyyy less bougie) and idk, I'd like to think 2013-Caelan, High School-Caelan and even 6th grade-Caelan with braces, would be super crazy proud of me, even if current 21-year-old Caelan isn't.

Call me a total hallmark card, but I feel like ice skating at Bryant Park is a total metaphor for my life right now. I may be stumbling and even falling totally on my ass, but at least I have a beautiful backdrop and a trustworthy friend who will hold my hand and get hot chocolate with me afterwards, not to mention a network of beautiful souls who are willing to reach out to me in my time of uncertainty just to tell me that they believe in me, and if that's not as beautiful as Fall Time in New York, then idk what is. 

I want to thank you again for being such great friends and let me know if I can ever help you out with any of your stresses or probz or anything
I love you all so much
and HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
xoxox
Sasssquatch aka Caelan

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