4/19/14

An Open Letter to MANBUNS / Guest Writer: Manjari Fergusson

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Dear manbuns

You amaze me.
I frequently find myself stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, open-mouthed, staring in wonder at the beauty of your existence.

Ok maybe my mouth isn’t open, but still. Your exquisite presence in my life often sends me into daydreams and gives me inappropriate thoughts while I’m on my way to class; luckily for me, my campus is full of them.

Many of my friends will vouch for the snapchats I send them of your random owners, from “stealthy” angles…but you’re always the star. (Particularly when the head that you inhabit belongs to the bodies of Nordic gods.)

Also, can I just note, the hashtag #manbuns on instagram is really, really great?

While there is something almost feminine about these creations, and they often show up on the prettiest of men, they are ultimately one of the biggest turn ons. Hello, Thor anyone? There’s arguably no one more “manly” than Chris Hemsworth, yet he rocks that manbuns like there’s no tomorrow. If I could personally thank him, I would.

There are different types of these amazing creations that must come from the mercy of the hair gods.  I will list a few:

1) Big, messy, i-don’t-give-a-fuck buns that are planted directly on top of the frontal bone. This usually means there is an excessive amount of hair when let down that may or may not be longer than mine, and you’ll find no complaints here. See: that one guy who won that Golden Globe for something (Alex Ebert).

2) Small little cotton ball manbuns that are usually centered at the back of the head, often associated with guys who are trying to find themselves and are growing their hair out. See: Shia Labeouf’s dalliance with the trend, just take out the caveman beard.

3) Hipster buns that rest at the nape of the neck and usually look slightly shiny and or greasy from the excessive use of hair products. See: Orlando Bloom’s brief affair with said bun.

4) The “pony buns” made popular by Jared Leto, (who deserves his own open letter).  This is when there is a bun with extra hair hanging out the bottom, like a tail. Jared’s manbun is the 8th wonder of the world.

5) The manbun that’s accompanied by scruff and sideburns—faces that will give you a rash. See: musicians in leather jackets making love to their guitars.

6) Beautiful, healthy, long, soft, (the one I’m imagining right now is blonde) bigbuns that go slightly-higher-than-center-yet-lower-than-the-middle-of-the-head. For an example, see the dude who I often pass on my way out of Spanish class.

7) And of course there are the hippie buns that go on heads that are unwashed and probably smelly, with some tendrils escaped and falling in front of their face. You’ll find these ones on surfer dudes and skateboarders (sometimes one and the same).

Ok, I’ve definitely revealed too much about myself,  #sorrynotsorry. I don’t discriminate; I love manbuns in all their shapes and sizes. Come at me!

xoxo,
Manjari

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Manjari Fergusson is one of my dearest friends and journalism classmates also known as one of the "jbitches." She has the softest hair, and the biggest adoration for Manbuns and The Red Hot Chilli Peppers, that I ever did see.
We love drinking iced coffee and freaking out about our futures, and we often do that every time we see each other. We're really creepy on the internet and we have are constantly talking about pop culture, we are basically the Kelly Kapor's of our class. She is gonna be a really big music writer some day feel free to follow her on twitter @ManjariDF and instagram @lavendarblonde ALSO WHY HAVE I NEVER CALLED HER "FERGIE" BEFORE!?!?

Have a great saturday pussycats,
and please keep it sassy,
xoxoxox
Sasssquatch

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