In the word's of Joni Mitchell "I love my lovin, but not like I love my freeeeedom." I've been in relationships before, but it was always the same story, get giddy fast, feel like a 13 year old - all awkward and sweaty and excited and nervous. Then it's the petal picking game of he loves me, he loves me not, followed be more neurotic thoughts. If its a no-go, I get over it, but if he likes me (YAY) I get excited and we start going out, (double YAY!)!
The second after the words "official" escape his mouth, I'm done. I feel the shackles of commitment around my little ankles and I'm petrified for the future of this relationship. We date till I'm bored, I pick stupid fights and then we awkwardly break up.
LITERALLY that is my life. And while it's been kind of awhile since my last official dreamboat, and I occasionally pine after random coworkers or classmates, I know that I'm crap at relationships, so, I must simply date myself.
There are many reasons why it is completely better to date yourself than someone else and why you shouldn't feel bad if you don't have a valentine this year, I would know because I'm a total expert on this:
1) You don't have to spend your money on anyone but yourself (you are also the best at picking out gifts for yourself, you don't have to worry about receiving carnations or the oh-so cliche red roses).
2) You can eat all the chocolate you want and not worry about the judgement of others (not that you should anyway)
3) You can be everyones valentine if you aren't anyones in particular! I love giving out gifts to all sorts of people instead of just one person! Spread the love people! Spread the love!
4) It's completely acceptable to moon over Zayn Malik on the 14th without making anyone feel awkward, especially when you're kissing your posters.
5) It's just a holiday, guys. I know sometimes it hurts to be single, and it hurts feeling alone and it hurts feeling like you're some sort of social reject who is completley incapable of maintaining a relationship at all, but, BUT, know that I love you and you will love again. And if you haven't loved at all, you will, and if your heart is broken, it will repair itself, and if you are single and perfectly content EFF YES.
I will be your valentine, okay pussycat?