The Limits of Being a Fashion Frontrunner
By the time my fanny packs arrived in the mail, I had already planned my first adventure. Actually I probably knew before I even hit the “Buy now with 1-Click” button on Amazon. $7.95? Quantity: 3! I was off to the swimming pool at the gym. I figured that chicks dig a swimmer’s body and I had no doubt that I would need to be downright sexy in order to pull off the fashion coup of the century.
Along with the fashion statement I was trying to make, the fanny pack would be extremely functional. I didn’t have pockets in any of my athletic shorts and I usually carried my keys, cell phone, membership card and breadsticks (for carbo loading) around the gym with my hands. Not this time! In other news, I was also too cheap to buy a six dollar combination lock for the locker room.
When I arrived I did not get as much attention as I expected. The girl at the front desk was too busy talking to some dude with biceps bigger than my head. I shook it off as a fluke. Just give it time.
As I arrived at the swimming pool in the back of the gym, I suddenly realized that I was going to have to leave all my stuff in a locker anyway. My new fanny pack wouldn’t survive in the pool. It wasn’t waterproof.
So I opened a locker and threw my fanny pack inside. There was actually a sign on the inside of the door that suggested gym members wear fanny packs to hold onto their valuables while they exercise. I wondered if my accessorizing wasn’t as progressive as I had assumed. Then I went to the pool.
Swimming is fun… probably. Well, I am sure it is tons of fun if you are good at it. I was only able to dive in and swallow a couple gallons of chlorinated water. I switched to backstroke so I could finish my second lap. After weakly pulling myself out of the pool I decided that my sexy swimmer body was going to have to ride the wave of my fashion fame, not the other way around.
I returned to the locker room and tried to open about twenty different locker doors before I found the one with my fanny pack in it. My gym wasn’t in the nicest part of town, so I was actually a little surprised when I fanny pack had not been stolen. I guess there is some sort of natural theft deterrent included in the design.
I left the gym munching on a breadstick, dejected that my pack had not created the buzz that I expected. But I wasn’t deterred from my mission. The fanny pack would soon prevail.
|Photo by Jimmy Edens|
Have a great day
and please keep it sassy,