1/18/14

Guest Writer: Peter Chastagner

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Dodgeball… the forefront of a fashion revolution
Read Part II and Part II

I soon began to take my fanny pack everywhere. I absolutely loved to wear it to social events. One crisp Wednesday evening, in east county San Diego, the smell of dodgeball was in the air.

Just like every Wednesday, I picked up carpooled to the courts with my friend Delayn. Like most people I know, Delayn happens to be a fanny pack hater. She had been first traumatized a few months earlier, when I brought my pack to her birthday skydiving adventure. It was a genius idea. I planned to use it to either carry a backup parachute, or maybe some snacks for the way down.

When it came time for me to get my harness tightened in all the most uncomfortable places, the conversation with my skydive instructor went something like this:

“Please remove your hip pack.”

“Oh can I keep it on? I was hoping to borrow an extra parachute to have for back up.”

“Actually, we will be lucky if there are enough primary parachutes to go around.”

“Good joke. Well can I at least keep my fanny pack on to carry my yogurt?”

“It is rather unpractical to attempt the consumption of snacks during freefall.“

“I knew I should have brought Go-Gurt.”

Delayn was terribly embarrassed by the exchange and she delivered an ultimatum. Should she ever catch me snapping that pack around my hips again, I would have to throw it into the nearest dumpster or she would forever disown me as a friend.

***

Before I arrived at her house, I slid the pack around to my left side and hid the strap under my seatbelt. Of course, as soon as we parked and exited the car, she noticed the pack hanging from my hip.

Seeing her look of disgust I was quick to point out that we had just shared a five minute car ride without the world ending. She was not convinced. I guess reason cannot overcome so much disdain.

The pack created much more buzz at dodge ball court than it had at the gym. People stared. One of my teammates was bold enough the make the first approach:

“Why are you wearing a fanny pack?”

“To hold my stuff.”

“Why don’t you just buy shorts with pockets?”

“Because this way I will never have to pay extra for pockets.”

People started to gather. Some questioned my sexual preferences and others questioned my mental stability, but please take note, nobody ever questioned my fashion sense.

And then something amazing happened. Several people began to realize the utility of my pack! I was approached by at least two dodgeballers who were in the same predicament I had faced so many times before; they wore shorts without pockets and had nothing in which to store their wallets, keys, and phones.


I graciously agreed to store their valuables inside the pack, making sure to reiterate the amazing potential of the fanny pack and foretelling a fashion future in which nobody would be able to survive without one.


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Peter Chastsassgner is the male equivalent of Beyonce...that is all.




xoxoxo
Sassssquatch

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