Nice Guys Finish Last?

Nice Guys Finish Last?

Pussycats, I'm here to talk about a very serious matter with you all today
and that matter is "nice guys"
while I touched on this subject briefly in my How To Break Up With Friends post, I thought I would delve more into the topic.

To begin, lets have a toast to the douchebags, and to the asshats of the world, these, pussycats, are the men we will be speaking of today.

So of course to begin you have your outright jerks, guys who are sexist, racist, bigots, homophobic, transphobic and rude etc they are obvious and very easy to spot, (look for any dude wearing a Monster Energy Visor and or matching T-shirt, that maybe smells a bit of BO and Bodman fragrance). But then there is a second bread of douchebags and this we define as the "nice guy."

When I say "nice guy" I'm not actually talking about nice gentlemen, I'm talking about THAT guy. The guy who is your friend and will help you out, but only because he hopes for something more, and the second you explain that you see him as only a friend, because he was being...friendly, he immediately writes you off as a "bitch." 

Classic traits of this "nice guy" are: constantly doing favors for other people, constantly explaining about all the favors they do for other people, constantly reiterating how "nice" they are, expecting people and the world to treat them differently because they are just so "nice" and they constantly bend over backwards for other people so why don't they get what they want huh? why don't they get a fucking break huh? Also constantly using the term "friend zoned" and explaining how they always get hurt by girls :(. boo effing hoo.

Well "nice guys", let me explain something to you.

We are taught as small school children that we should be kind to others, growing up (and working retail), we've learned that many grownups do not keep this in mind everyday.
However you should do nice things for other people because you care about them or maybe because as a decent human being it would be kind, not because you want something in return. 

Don't you dare slut-shame or name-call a woman who doesn't reciprocate your feelings or because she put you in the "friend zone." Every human is entitled to their own feelings and emotions and are fully capable of deciding whether or not they want to date you and or have sexy time with you. If you want to date a woman, passive aggressively doing her favors and treating her really nicely in hopes that she will just randomly decide she has feelings for you isn't reality, its part of your internalized-mysogniystic-toomanyLifeTimeoriginalmovies-and-NicholasSparksNovels-Mamaloving-EmotionallyManipulative-Entitled-Insecure-deluded mind.

Lets face it buddy, in the real world you don't get jack-shit for being nice.
But we all try to do it because we should
Its kind of like christmas, we were tall taught its about giving, not receiving you asshat, so if you give me the gift of helping me when my car is towed don't expect to receive the gift of a relationship or sexy time or anything like that.

And FOR THE RECORD. If after reading this you've realized you know one of these "nice guys" you should tell them WAKE UP BUDDY, YOU AINT THAT NICE.

so pussycats, the second you realize that you've got a "nice guy" on your hands, head for the hills, because dealing with one of these is like trying to figure out where the remote control is while hungover with only one contact lens and the promise of an egg mcmuffin nowhere in sight...its impossible.

If you like someone, ask them out.
If they turn you down, MOVE ON, there is no need for name-calling and over all class-less-ness

Here are some awesome videos on the subject:

Have you guys ever dealt with a "nice guy"
I know I have
Tell me all about it in the comments
have a great day
and please, keep it sassy


  1. This would be so useful, if I had a Nice Guy in my life. Or just a guy. WHY AM I SO ALONEEEEEEEEE


  2. But the world would be such a nice place if kindness was given to those that are kind. And the reason so many nice guys say women only want jerks is because YOU TELL THEM THAT!!!!! well by your actions anyway. the friendzoned puppy you rant about the guys you do date with.

    I know plenty of jerks and none of them have trouble meeting women and or getting sexytime. problem is these guys actually ARE perfect for the modern woman or atleast on the surface. most "niceguys" fail at relationships even when they do actually get a girlfriend because they scare them of by wanting sexytime 24/7 or anytime for that matter.
    this happens for 2 reasons.
    1. they deep down know it wont last so they try to get as much time and love as they can while it lasts.

    2. they are usually faithfull so you are the only one they are seeing.

    the reason jerks seem so great and dont come off as stalkers is because when you need some youtime they say ok no problem, why? because they have 5 other girls they are banging so when you are too busy for them someone else is not.
    I know this because when i have been upset about a girlfriend not having time for me the first advise my friends give me is to find extra girlfriends or to form a stable if you will. I choose not to do that but i do understand why many guys do.

  3. Omg this is such a good post. I was watching bad movies on Netflix today (I've got quite a high tolerance for them) but I just had to stop this one called "Jerk Theory", because unless I missed the satire, it was like Nice Guy the Anthem. Like, it's great that you're "nice", but I don't owe you sex or a relationship just because of that, dude.