3/25/13

How to: Break Up With Friends

How to: Break Up With Friends

Now I know that I've done many love based posts in the past, but this post is about another sort of love, friend love, or the lack their of. It's about breaking up with friends. Now naturally, I have the tendency to cut people out of my life the second they do me wrong but here are some warning signs that you need to cut someone out of your life, and this is how to do it!

Warning Signs:
I've had many a bad friend over the years, here are some obvious red flags

1. They Lie
I once had a friend who lied lied lied about EVERYTHING, I later found out she was seeing this boy that I fancied and hanging out with him behind my back, filling his head full of lies about me such as "Caelan is obsessed with you," "Caelan tells everyone that you two are already and item" and most embarrassingly "Caelan has already planned out her wedding dress." So if you catch a friend who is already a pathological liar, get out while you can, it will only lead to bad news.

2. They don't respect your right to your opinion
I had this friend who would try to shut me down when I had an opinion that was different than hers. In fact, we got into a facebook discussion today and she was so unhappy with my different opinion that she deleted me off of facebook *cough* butt hurt *cough.* But thats the thing, friends like that are ignorant and immature and don't deserve your time! Friendship is about listening to each other, knowing when its okay to disagree and letting their opinions roll off your back.

3. They fit our favorite, "Nice Guy" mold
The boys who are your "friend," until you tell them that you don't see them as anything else, and they fly off the handle about how they are such a "nice" guy and that you are a bitch for not liking them back, look forward to a future post ALL ABOUT this so called "friend."

4. Jealousy
Jealously leads weird people to do weird things. This goes a long with resentment. I once had a "friend" who dated an exboyfriend after me, I could tell that due to the nature of his and my relationship that she was jealous of me, and it lead her to act in a very immature and mean manner, including  assuming I was writing mean anons about her and then talking shit about me all over tumblr, REAL mature guys.

5. They get under your skin
When you have a friend that irritates you so much, whether its complaining about their lives (which are very privledged) or how they copy you all the time if you are fucking irritated with someone its time to LET THEM GO.  

6. Controlling
Don't let anyone try to control your behavior, your thoughts, your actions, the way you dress, the food you eat, ANY OF THAT.

7. They Don't Make an Effort
In a relationship their needs to be a 50% 50% effort. If its unbalanced and you find yourself going out of your way to pick up your friend when you are the one with school and work and they are doing nothing with their lives except playing video games, its time to GO.

8. They Take Advantage of you
If for one second you feel like you are being used, whether its for your new pair of Jeffrey Campbells, or your car, or even just a $4 latte, GET OUT! Don't let people take advantage and use you for the things you've worked hard for in your life.

9. They Guilt trip you
omg, we've all had this friend, "you never come out with us!" "you said you were gonna let me borrow those!" "Are you kidding me, it's only $5 dollars!" UGH no, just no.
10. Most importantly: They make you feel bad about yourself
if you have a friend who makes you feel not adequate, or not worthy you need to say goodbye. I had one best friend in the past who was very emotionally abusive and he always made me feel like I wasn't good enough, that I wasn't smart enough or pretty enough or skinny enough. You know what, YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH.



Other obvious redflags: boyfriend stealers, shit talkers, meanie weanies, self confidence busters, name callers, slut shammers, and just overall dumb people ALL NEED TO GO

now how to do it
there are two ways.


1) Try to wein them out of your life 
Little by little, talking less, screening their calls or even better get a job, start a blog, any new hobby that will actually make you really busy you won't even be lying when you bail on them!
Its passive aggressive, but unless the person is a real idiot they'll get the fucking message, and if not, just always say you are too busy to hang out. That's the beauty of breaking up with friends, you don't have to give them a reason, like breaking up with boyfriends or girlfriends; you can be a 5 year old about it.

2) Band-aid style: just cut off all communication
block them off fb, tumblr, whatever it takes GET RID OF THEM LIKE YESTERDAYS TRASH. It may be hard if you go to the same school, or live nearby but trust me, your life will be so much easier without worrying about

Sure cutting someone out of your life may be awkward at first
but if this friend made you feel shitty, and made your insides all pretzel-y than believe me, you're better off without them.
Trust me, I cut out a friend the day I wrote this post, and now a week later, when I'm editing this I realize I already feel 100% better about it and I do not regret a thing.

Let me know if you have any other questions

Keep it sassy,
xoxoxox
Sasssquatch

6 comments:

  1. I've done the band-aid method a few times. I had a friend that was actually borderline abusive. It was insane. So I cut her out, and my life has improved so much. Bad vibes, man.

    Now only if I could do this in my romantic life :P

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  2. I get rid of crappy friends like it's going out of style. Why keep around people who are dragging you down? I like that you even addressed this as a thing because more people should be empowered to choose who they invite into their lives!

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  3. Great post. It's always hard to lose a friend but sometimes it's for the better. Also, living with a "good" friend is pretty much never a "good" idea.

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  4. I agree with the need to close a friendship in all these situations, I often fall "victim" of people like n.8 and n.9, but I don't completely agree with the ways to "let them go". I'm sure of what you mean for friends. Because if you mean people with you hang out and chat and nothing more I see why you say that you don't have to give any explanation. But I don't even consider these people real "friends", so I agree with you about both these methods. But if we are talking about people you know since years and years I feel to have to do an explanation or to receive an explanation.
    My best friend for almost 19 years (and I'm 20 and a half now) from one day to the other stopped to answer to any of my ways to comunicate with her. For months. At some point she wrote me that she was going through a bad time and she didn't want anyone around her who knew her too much, someone who makes her think. And every time I asked to meet to clarify the situation she always said yes but never showed herself. I don't know if you can understand how this situation hurts. It is as if one of your sisters stopped to talk to you for almost two years, without explain why, and you are not able to figure it out alone. Or to let her go.
    Now, I understand that this is an extreme case and that we should definitely keep noxious people away from our life, but when a true friendship is in play, or when what was a true friendship that went dying is in play, I don't think that the best way is to find excuses or cut all relations.

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    Replies
    1. (I wanted to say "I'm NOT sure of what you mean for friends")

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  5. ugh omg YES thanks for this. i have one question though, what if you have a "friend" who's loyal and nice and everything but you just suddenly find annnooooyyyinggg like she would do things and walk really slowly (that irritates the hell out of me) and like she's just oblivious to everything, not EXACTLY stupid, but oh my god she gets under my nerves by the way she does things/talks to me/EVERYTHING!! and she's really nice! so i feel bad cutting her out because we've known each other for a long time!

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