4/5/12

Underpressure

Hi, My name is Caelan and I am frustrated.

I feel as if there has been a disconnect between you and I.
So I thought I'd reintroduce myself, the real Caelan.

Hi.
I was born on February 16th, 1993.
I am the youngest of four girls and an aquarius if that provides you further insight into my character.
I'm extremely EXTREMELY sensitive, My mother used to say I was "the fairest of them all" due to my fair complexion, but that being said I'm also the most fragile of them all, I am a china doll.
I try to give off this vibe that I'm confident in everything I say and do and with the way I dress, but in actuality I'm a huge frady cat.
I think I use my persona of "sasssquatch" as a defense mechanism to those who don't understand me.
Its really easy to pretend that you are sure of yourself and to be loud, but only till recently have I actually learned to speak up for myself.
I'm really really self critical, I criticize everything I do

To be honest,
I'm terrified that I have not accomplished anything major in my life so far.
I hate the tedious nature of college.
I can't enjoy the present because I'm equally anxious about the future while nostalgic for the past.
I'm also terrified with how angry and passionate I get about certain things, while it may be good, my heart hurts and beats like thumper, my palms get sweaty and I just see red, its not good!

I'm being really serious right now huh?
I guess I'm just feeling rather blue and I did not feel like pretending to be happy

Is that okay?

I need summer, where I'm less stressed.

where I'm happy and tan, where I can run around the beach like the Coppertone baby or maybe my front yard like Lux Lisbon a la Virgin Suicides. 

also, 
since we're being heavy and deep and ruminating and what not,
why did Elliott Smith have to pass away?
He was such a lovely human on this tiny sphere in the universe,
and our little sphere has been significantly less beautiful without him.


UGH

where is my mind tonight?
I should probably just sleep
bleh
blue
blehhhhh


I hope this post does not make me seem unprofessional
UGH WHY AM I SO SELF-CRITICAL

okay
ignore this post

not even gonna use my tagline

all I know is that college while working SUCKS
and I would quite like to go to neverland right about now

:/
goodnight moon,
xoxox,
Caelan

1 comment:

  1. I'm older than you and I have not accomplished anything major in my life as well and I hate thinking about it.

    hope you will feel better

    ReplyDelete