Sassy Summary: Jane Eyre (spoilers included)

I had to write a journal response to the book Jane Eyre in my British Literature class,
this is how it went.

Jane Eyre Response.
            So okay.
Jane Eyre is done, and I’m pretty ecstatic. Charlotte Bronte is totally magnificent, because she spent a lot of time writing over 500 pages of a story about a kind of sassy girl and her insane life. There were times that it was dull. There were times when it was really really dull. But there were also times that I quite enjoyed the book. For example, when Bertha goes nuts, I liked that part quite a lot.
            Regardless, Charlotte Bronte did manage to keep my attention for the majority of the book. At first It was very amusing in an “Orphan Annie” sort a of way, Jane was all “woe is me” and “give me an education!!” So I was all… how sad and then Jane was all “nooo, give me books, GIVE ME FREEDOM” and I was all “girl, you can take my place, I’d totally love England in the Victorian era, I’d have tea and complain ALL THE TIME”. Then once she’s at Lowood it was very Oliver Twist, because teachers were all “BLAR BLAR BLAR” and Jane was all “all the older women took my food!!” But once Jane grows up it gets a lot better. She finally is the big dog on campus and I enjoy the sense of power Jane FINALLY receives! She deserves to be happy, I mean, she lost her best friend and had no family! Charlotte Bronte also goes super in depth about the way everything looks which is amazing for the fact that it helps the story, and because it sets an beautiful setting, but, hearing about how cold the winter were, and how frostbitten her tiny fingers were, frankly got rather old. Then Jane gets bored of Lowood and needs a new job, and she secures the sweetest gig, teaching this little babes named Adele at the Thornefield mansion. Turns out, this totally sassy, charming man, named Mr. Rochester, lives there. Jane then gets super sappy, because she is all “oh I think I love Mr. Rochester, but he doesn’t know who I am!!!” and like “oh why must he love Ms. Ingram! I love him, no wait, I don’t, I’ll convince myself otherwise,” even though we know she couldn’t. In a wonderful scene following, Mr. Rochester proclaims his love for Jane and she is all “OMG HE LOVES ME TOO!” but then a tree splits in half, which is a symbol (of course). So then I was thinking “okay, the story is almost done, what is gonna happen to Jane for the next 200 pages?” But after all their wedding planning it turns out Mr. Rochester is MARRIED TO THIS CRAZY JAMACIAN LADY WHO HAS BEEN TRYING TO KILL THEM ALL! By this point I was like “OH MY WORD, HOW DID CHARLOTTE BRONTE THINK OF ALL OF THIS?” So then Jane is all “how could you, I must leave” and I was all “yeah Jane, do it! GIRL POWER.” Then she leaves and runs out of food because she forgot her silly little rucksack, and then she finds this house and passes out in front of this door, screaming out “I’m gonna dieeee”. Turns out some tool name St. John (sinjin) allows her to stay, so she is all “YAY, I WON’T DIE!” Then long story short, she inherits a ton of money, she splits it with her newly discovered cousins, SinJin was all “you need to marry me” and she was all “no way dude” and he was all “you’re disgracing me AND the church” and she’s all “ainokea.” Then it turns Bertha set the house on fire and jumps out of a window committing suicide and I was all “WTF” and Mr. Rochester looses his sight and his left hand! So by this point I’m all “O.o” and then of course she’s all “TTYL SINJIN” and she hears Mr. Rochester calling to her in her head. Then she meets up with Mr. Rochester they have a Lionel Ritchie moment, circa the music video “Hello,” and she’s all “I’ll never leave you!!!” And then they get married, have a bebeh and Mr. Rochester can see through one eye again. The book then ends with Sinjin all “LORD SAVE ME!!!” and I was all “THANK BIGGIE SMALLS IT’S OVER” but from now one, I can be ostentatious and cite this book as much as possible,
Thank you Ms. Gearen.     

 I hope you enjoyed.
Keep it sassy,


  1. Hmm, well, sounds like an interesting story! You have a funny writing voice! (In a good way, though!)

  2. That's the sassiest rendition of "Jane Eyre" ever.