The Edge of Seventeen

Today is my last day of being 17,

to properly reflect this day, I've composed a playlist of all songs celebrating the age of 17

and I've been ruminating and I thought I'd share my thoughts with yall.

My birthday last year began with me talking on the phone to three friends, one of who I hurt a lot :( (I didnt mean too)
one of which I'm still great with to this day
and one of which who broke my heart later this summer.

17 was a tough year for me, I gave myself emotionally to certain people who I think abused that trust a bit too much.

At the beginning,  I was scared, confused and sad and felt I was responsible for others happiness (I still do sometimes)

I compromised myself a lot and was buried under stress at the beginning of this year, and being in the play, prom head and the late night phone calls with my best friend was enough to overwork me to the bone.

Then summer happened and it changed many things.
My heart was broken by my best friend in the entire multiverse moving away. 
But once he left, once the dust settled and I had time to think about everything, I sat in my favorite park on day and made a list about the things I liked  and the things I don't, and began to develop my theory on the universe, this list was an attempt at understanding myself better. I realized that when I love people a lot, I want to make them happy and I want to please them and I want to be just like them

but that isn't me!

from that point on, I, for the first time in awhile, began to concern myself with myself, my life and my problems, and that was refreshing. so so refreshing. 

I began senior year alone, no one to stay up late to talk to on the phone anymore, no one to play brain wars with and no one to be my emotional crutch.

This year had its downs (my best friends depression, my grades sinking the end of junior year, my best friend leaving, failing my drivers test 6 times, a fight with one of my dearest friends, 2 car crashes, loosing touch with my best friend, fights with my sisters...)

But this year had its ups (seeing Saves The Day live, Tavi G following me on tumblr, FINALLY GETTING MY LICENSE, GETTING INTO COLLEGE, an amazing california road trip, really bonding with my senior class, meeting some AMAZING people, reaching over 1,500 tumblr followers, meeting you amazing blogspot girls, my amazing pen pals...)

I know I've made a lot of mistakes this year.
and it's been probably one of my most dramatic years yet.
despite the garbage,
I think I've grown more and learned more this year than any year prior.
and that I wouldn't give up for fairy dust!.

so if you're reading this, raise your metaphorical glass of champagne (its metaphorical, I'm not condoning underage drinking) and let's cheers to being young and stupid and a happy new birthday year!

and to being 18! now I can order things off the TV!

keep it sassy,

1 comment:

  1. AHHHHH! YOU ARE ABOUT TO BE 18! (haha, I almost typed 13) I am so excited! Soon you will no longer be a girl, but a woman! XD I hate it when i get that speech!